Avoiding Death by Destroying Health: Unmasking the COVID Response

2020 has been a tremendous year of healing for me. I am celebrating that fact even in the midst of anxiety and grief over the strangeness of the world. I am deeply grateful for what God has done in my life through both the struggle of sickness and the process of recovery.

Some of you know my story, some don't. The long version is written in other places. But part of the story is told in the pictures below, which were taken one year apart in the same place. What the second doesn't show well is the scabbing malar rash, the jaundice, the severe bodily pain, the tear ducts that wouldn't cry, the joints that wouldn't bend, the nausea, the muscle spasms, the organ stress, the hypoxia, the hair loss, the lung inflammation, the failing will, and the broken heart.

It has been a long and painful journey and it isn’t over. But so filled with a depth of mercy that it seems wrong to complain. Easy for me to say since I am feeling well at the moment! But nonetheless true.

One of the blessings of my experience is that I am better prepared to face the COVID-panic with a rational mind. I am not more afraid of a high survival virus than I am of anything which can kill me (like highway driving or 1001 triggers for autoimmune crisis). In order to thrive in the midst of risk and fear, I have had to learn to embrace the reality of my death. And so my mind and soul are freer than they might otherwise be.

Living a happy and peaceful life in the midst of risk is only possible with a healthy acceptance of death. There is no reasonable hope of avoiding death. We can numb our fear. Ignore reality. Pretend that we will live forever (or to at least 90). But it is a futile effort to stave off the invariable outcome.

I can say with confidence that true healing and happiness does not come from avoiding viruses. Impossible. There will always be another threat. But we have forgotten...

Healing comes from honoring the design of the body and being prepared to face the inevitability of death. Avoiding risk is not possible. In fact, behaviors focused on avoidance of suffering instead of building of health often lead to pathology. For example, living a sedentary life to avoid pain or risk leads to more pain and disease. Chronic fear leads to immune-damaging stress and psychological problems.

Honestly addressing bodily healing (including mental health) means facing the uncomfortable disparity between what we say we want to do (keep everyone safe) and what we are actually doing (increasing the likelihood of long term trauma and illness).

While some people will die of COVID, most will not, even among the vulnerable. And we do know that COVID is not an equal opportunity killer. Physicians tell us that it almost exclusively prefers those who are already sick. In the general population, those at greatest risk are those who are obese, with heart disease, diabetes, or other factors which increase the risk of death even without COVID.

The exceptions are just that… exceptions. We will all die. Often not in the way we would choose.
Memento mori.

And yet, it is often those who do the least for their own health who scream the loudest at the healthy. They want others to stop living so that they might have a false sense of what will keep them safe. They want us to accept their authority (and the government’s) over our bodies.

It is not the way of Christ. It is not scientific. It is not rational. It is not healing.

When the bitterness, ignorance, and lack of compassion comes from fellow Christians, it is deeply hurtful. Ironically, it will ultimately contribute to a decline in their health and immune function at the same time it tears down the spirits and health of others.

I have worked incredibly hard to heal my broken body and have met with successes and failures. I have learned much about immune health (sometimes researching many hours a day by necessity) and as a result, changed everything to live by God's design instead of a lifestyle which contributes to disease.

This journey of chronic illness (as anyone in my shoes knows) is arduous and lonely, even when surrounded by support and love. Suicide rates are quite high in the chronically ill. In a time of COVID, I have been alarmed to discover that, in spite of the insistence that we must love others, there is less love, more isolation, greater harshness, and less interest in understanding.

Those who are at greatest risk for death are also the least cared for… body, mind, and soul. COVID response has been disastrous and certainly not proportionate to risk.

There is very little love in this effort to “stop the monster” of COVID. And haven’t we become little monsters ourselves when we scream in fear at our healthy neighbors who are standing only 5 and a half feet away instead of 6? Or report them to the government for sharing a meal with friends?

A young man I know was recently in a store and pulled down his mask under his nose for a moment. He was feeling unwell and just needed a breath. A woman his grandmother’s age, who was outside of the acceptable 6-foot boundary, berated him. He replied: “I wasn’t feeling well.” She was unmoved. “I don’t care about your feelings! I have asthma and you could kill me!”

One of my kids witnessed an incident in another store where an elderly man slammed his cart into the cart of an elderly woman. She was too close to him in the checkout line. There was yelling and threats were made and, eventually, the police were called.

Such is the “new normal,” where a woman’s innate maternal compassion is supplanted with cold bitterness. And a man’s inclination to defend the weak, is replaced by violent hatred. We are clearly a post-Christian culture when we not only refuse to touch the leper, but also the healthy young man with unmarred skin. We have killed our responsiveness to the Imago Dei. We have covered it in exchange for a false sense of security.

I can live poorly or well. I can die poorly or well. I choose to do both well if I can. Misplaced fear and a fixation on numbers isn't going to save me in the end. In fact, this stress increases susceptibility. How then shall I now live? That is the pivotal question.

One of the most painful aspects of my chronic illnesses has been the years of isolation. The pain and suffering brought me low, but it was the isolation of being cut off from the activity of “normal” life which brought me lower.

The fact that the primary means by which the government wants to heal us is to isolate us far beyond real necessity proves to me that this effort is not Christ-centered. We need each other. We need to be cared for, visited, touched, seen. Not via Zoom, but physically.

Those of you who have ventured a little beyond the “safe” zones know what I mean. The first time someone shakes your hand or opens their arms for a hug. The party you attend with trepidation only to realize that gathering with fearless people was the single most healing action you have experienced in months. The Mass you attended when most others stayed away… when you realized that there is no digital replacement for sitting in the Presence of Jesus Christ.

We claim to love the vulnerable and yet it is the vulnerable who are will always suffer the most when care is guided by "mother government" rather than the hands of Christ through family, friends, and neighbors. I was horrified months ago when my governor applauded the "heroic" actions of those who allowed their loved ones to die alone. I felt sick to my stomach that such a man is guiding public health.

There are certain actions which are inherently anti-Christian. Denying someone the presence of loved ones at the moment of death is not only cold, but wicked. And the bishops who denied the saving grace of the last sacraments? Well, that is an even deeper level of neglect.

If anything, COVID has UNmasked us. Our weaknesses have been revealed. Our lack of faith. Our lack of love. Our lack of courage. And that is GOOD news because we are being called to conversion. If death is coming to you via COVID, let it not be said that you died hoarding your life from others.

Do not let your loved ones stay isolated. Do not let them die alone. Do not let them suffer alone. Do not gaslight them into thinking that something is wrong with them for needing to see faces and live freely. We all have limits. None of this is normal. None of it is actually healing.

I know what it is like to be sick with a failing will. To ignore this risk factor is to ignore the "other" you are commanded to tend. You are not morally free to sit passively in the face of such suffering. It is not good enough to hide away or build a lifestyle around believing others to be “asymptomatic carriers.”

The fact that this is a highly survivable virus makes these transgressions against love even more alarming. But I would not change my opinion even with the threat of a more virulent strain. Our lives are meant to be spent in service. We are to be prudent and care for our bodies, but we are not to be hoarders and squanderers of health.

I have lived prudently and cautiously by necessity. I know the burden of physical vulnerability. And yet this COVID response is neither prudent nor cautious... it is reckless.

The "new normal" is deadly. Literally deadly. And also dangerous in the many ways that are worse than death. I reject it. You will never convince me by the numbers or by fear of death (for myself or others) that we can be healed long term by this insanity. You will never convince me that such a way of living will not harm the proper development of the young, who were made to be selfless, generous, heroic, and free.

True victory over COVID will not come by mask, by distance, by numbers, by regulation, or by health orders. It will only ever come with an acceptance of a radical call to Gospel service to others and an acceptance of the inevitability of physical death... and hope of new life in Christ.

There will always be another virus. There will always be death. How then shall we now live?